


In a Lilac Wood

by Crysania



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-09 22:17:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20517323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crysania/pseuds/Crysania
Summary: Ben has defected. That doesn't mean Rey has to like him, does it? Rey and Ben are well-known in the Resistance for their bickering, and so Leia sends them on a quest to a planet in the middle of nowhere to retrievesomethingfrom an ancient Jedi Temple. Maybe they can sort out their differences...or something else...And then Ben starts to see things...And strange accidents start to befall Rey...Surely there must besomeexplanation.





	In a Lilac Wood

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many people to thank for this story!
> 
> First and foremost to my awesome Beta, Invisibleworld  
.  
And also to the amazing mods who did more beta work on the story, crossingwinter and thewayofthetrashcompactor.
> 
> And this story (or any of my stories really!) could not have happened without the amazing ladies of The Reylo Fic Recs chat group (in alphabetical order because you're all awesome!!): Arwen_Evenstar, Biekewieke, Noppoh, roadlesstravelled/wayofthepathfinder, overlyinvestedfangirl, SirenBanshee, and tmwillson3. You ladies are the BEST. Thanks for all the chats and writing sprints!!

“There!” Rey shouts. There’s a clearing, just past some trees. She can barely see it from where their shuttle cruises through the planet’s skies, but it’s _there_.

Ben is leaning over the controls. “That’s at _least_ twenty miles from the temple.” And he looks annoyed about it. Of course he does. He _always_ looks annoyed. She’s still not entirely sure why he’s even with the Resistance, if he finds everything they ask him to do so irritating.

This trip seems to annoy him so much more than anything else that’s been requested of him. And maybe that stems from his kriffing mother’s announcement. She’d had a dream. No, a _vision_. A Force vision. And now they’re on some wild bantha chase to dig up something his mother is sure will mean the First Order’s final defeat. Rey’s pretty sure what they need is more manpower. More ships, more fighters, more people on the ground. With Snoke dead and Kylo Ren defected, the First Order has become a military institution with its head cut off. She’s sure Hux does his best, but he’s like one of those cartoon villains on the holos she’s watched: prone to grandstanding, making speeches, and missing the bigger picture.

Case in point: the great and mighty Kylo Ren killing the Supreme Leader and defecting. She’s pretty sure they never saw that one coming.

But no, instead they’re flying over some planet in the Unknown Regions in search of some ancient Jedi Temple that, according to General Organa, is supposed to have an ancient artifact that will allow for the amplification of their firepower and force the First Order to its knees.

“Did the Jedi even create such things?” Rey remembers asking. And Leia had shrugged. _Shrugged_. As if it were of no importance. Poe, the smarmy little bastard, had smirked, and he and Leia had ushered her off to find it.

And not just her. At the last minute, they tossed _Ben_ at her. Ben, who she’s pretty sure she’s going to murder in his sleep if he whines one more time about being sent on this mission with her. Ok, so they fight. A lot. They have their moments, certainly, and when they work together well, they work together _really_ well. But still, she’s angry at him half the time and he’s irritated with her the other half.

Their fights are legendary, but at least he hasn’t taken to destroying anything with that ridiculously unstable lightsaber of his. Which he still has, despite renouncing the First Order and his place as Snoke’s apprentice. He reminds her, every day really, that he could have been the Supreme Leader (“of the entire kriffing galaxy, Rey”), and she could have been ruling at his side. And yet he set that aside.

She still doesn’t know why.

But sometimes she catches him watching her and his gaze is strangely warm.

“Do you see any other place to land this thing?” Rey inquires.

“Well…”

“No? I didn’t think so.” She waves a hand at the window, where they’re circling back around. “It’s just trees. Trees _everywhere_. Did you really think a Jedi Temple was going to be accessible?”

He crosses his arms over his chest (_his too kriffing large chest_). “You can stop being so damned smug,” he mutters.

“I’m not smug,” she shoots back with. “I’m _right_.”

He lets out a snort, and she shakes her head. She has more important things to do, like land their shuttle in the tiny clearing she’s found. Yes, it’s miles from the Jedi temple. It means packing up their meager rations and trekking through the woods. They’re both physically fit. They both know how to defend themselves if they need to, so she doesn’t know what the big kriffing deal is anyway.

She lands the shuttle easily, touching down lightly into the clearing. It’s really barely a clearing and she’s almost sure she sees a bit of pride on Ben’s face before he turns away to grab his pack.

“Look,” she says, stepping a little closer to him. “I know you’d rather be anywhere but here with me, but…”

“Is that what you really think?” He finally meets her eyes, but his expression is blank, almost too carefully so.

“I…” She shrugs. “I know we don’t exactly get along.”

“We’ve been through a lot together.”

“We have. Can we…just…I don’t know.” She blows the one little hair that’s escaped her bun out of her eyes, huffing in annoyance when it falls back down again. Ben reaches one hand up and tucks the strand behind her ear, smoothing it down before removing his fingers. She feels almost burned where he touched her.

It’s the first time that he’s touched her of his own accord since the hut on Ahch-To, since they’d gone back-to-back and taken out Snoke, escaped in his shuttle, and returned to the Resistance. There are some days she can barely believe he’s there with them. And then there are the arguments, when she wishes he’d just stayed behind and taken over the Force-forsaken First Order and she’d never have to deal with the big kriffing bastard again.

She knows she doesn’t really believe that though.

“Truce?” he finally asks.

“Yeah.” She holds out her hand. He stares at it for a moment before taking it in his. His hand is _warm_, large and warm and she finds she really likes the way her hand fits in his. _Oh, kriff, stop it Rey_. When he releases her hand to step back, she takes a deep breath. “Ok, let’s head out. We’ve got some miles to cover. If we get going, we might be able to make the trek in just a couple of days.”

He nods and she shoulders her pack.

“There’s no trail,” he mutters as he approaches the woods.

She rolls her eyes. “I wouldn’t expect there to be.”

“And so, what? We’re just supposed to wander aimlessly around until we stumble on this place?”

“_This place_ is a kriffing Jedi Temple.”

“You think that’s a place I _want _to go?”

She throws her hands up in the air. “Didn’t you use to live at one?”

“Oh yes. Of course. I absolutely want to go somewhere that reminds me of the place where my kriffing uncle tried to kill me.”

She flinches a little at that. It’s not like she’s forgotten. She’d heard the story so many times from so many different angles that she isn’t likely to ever forget. It’s just that sometimes he drives her damned near crazy with his contrariness. “I --” she starts to say. Then -- “Forget it. It’s not like we have a choice anyway. Just…get moving.” She pushes past him and steps into the dark interior of the woods. After a moment, her eyes adjust and while there’s no trail, there are certainly smaller plants and bare patches that speak to some sort of wildlife living within the forest.

“Yes, ma’am.”

For a moment, she’s sure he’s not going to follow her, but then he steps into the woods behind her. And then they’re off.

It’s going to be a _long_ few days.

* * *

“You’re sure this is going to work?” Finn’s voice is tight with worry.

Leia just sits back with arms crossed over her chest. “I have no idea. My son is…stubborn.”

“We had to do _something_,” Poe says, putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “It’s been driving everyone nuts.”

Finn shudders. “Yeah but…are you sure it’s what Rey wants?”

Poe just raises an eyebrow. “Have you seen them together?”

Finn sighs. “Yeah. It’s just…Kylo Ren, you know?”

Poe shrugs. “He’s one of us now.”

“I know…”

“You know we couldn’t have done as much as we did without him,” Poe points out. Finn stays silent, just staring at him with lips slightly pressed together.

Leia leans forward and presses a few keys on the screen. “They’ve touched down. Rey says it’s a good 25 mile hike to the temple.”

Poe laughs. “You chose well.”

“We couldn’t make it _easy_ on them.” There’s a smile playing about her lips. “This will give them a chance to, you know.” She waves a hand in the air.

“I don’t even want to _think_ about ‘you know’,” Finn says with another shudder.

Poe laughs again. “Don’t then. Come on, let’s go hit the cantina. Sometimes being blindingly drunk is the only way to cope.”

The pair head off, and Leia keeps her eyes trained on the comm device. It should be days before they hear from the pair that she’s sent off alone. Hopefully by the time they get back, they’ll have sorted out whatever needs to be sorted out between them. If she has to hear their arguments and see that crackle of what even _she_ can see is sexual tension between them one more time, she’s going to just lock them in a closet until they do something about it.

At least with them off-planet, things are quieter. And maybe they can work it out on their own without her having to kick their kriffing arses to get them to acknowledge what everyone else on the base can see.

* * *

She’s not sure how long they’ve been walking. Hours? Days? Her feet are already feeling a bit sore and she realizes that maybe, just maybe, she’s not as in shape as she thought she was. Or maybe it’s that the ground here is unyielding. Her feet and legs are still used to the shifting sands of Jakku. Here it’s all hard ground and the occasional pit of mud that they have to skirt around.

Soon after entering the woods, they’d stumbled across a small creek. From the air, she’d seen it wind its way up toward where the temple is supposed to be located, and so they choose to follow it. It’s not the perfect solution by any means, but at least it’s better than cutting through underbrush. And water is always nearby in case they need to stop for a drink.

Ben is somewhere up ahead of her when he stops. She almost slams into his back. “Did you see that?” he says.

“See what?”

“We’re being followed.” He turns around and his eyes fall on the woods somewhere over her left shoulder. She takes a hasty step back from the sudden closeness.

She cranes her neck to see what he’s seeing. But all she sees is the creek and trees and occasionally some creature high in the trees flitting from one long branch to another. “There’s nothing there.”

“Hmmm.” He leans further over her, eyes intent on _whatever_.

“Ben!”

“What?”

“Can you…I don’t know…back off a bit?” She waves her hands at him.

He looks down and seems to realize that he’s leaning over her and his chest is awfully close to her face. His cheeks turn pink as he moves a little further back from her.

“You don’t see them?”

“Birds? Or…whatever those creatures are?”

“No. On the ground. There’s something there. Just beyond the trees. It’s been following us almost the entire way.”

She wonders if there’s a name for whatever affliction he has. Forest-itis or something along that line. She knows that people too long in the deserts of Jakku will see things: mirages of water, sandstorms that aren’t there, sometimes loved ones just before they succumb to heat stroke.

“Are you ok?” She reaches up a hand to touch his forehead. He’s a little warm, a little sweaty. It’s hot in the forest, even with the sun off them. And he still tends to prefer dressing all in black. His clothes are far too heavy for the heat of the forested planet. “Maybe you should get something to drink?”

“I’m _fine_,” he bites out.

“It’s warm here. You’re overdressed.”

“I didn’t bring anything else.”

“Well, whose stupid idea was that?”

“How could I know how hot this kriffing planet was going to be?”

She throws her hands up in the air. “Need I remind you that your mother _told_ us it was tropical,” she points out. She’s dressed well for it, light colored clothing that’s open and breathable, good sturdy boots. She’s still warm. Of course she is. It’s sweltering on the planet. But she’s not dressed in kriffing black head to toe. You can take Kylo Ren out of the First Order, but apparently you can’t take the idiot out of Kylo Ren.

“So what do you want me to do? Walk naked through the woods?”

She tries not to think about the image _that_ conjures up. “Go get something to drink. And…I don’t know. Figure something out. It’s not like I haven’t seen you without your shirt before.”

More than once, in fact. There was the first time, of course, which had been such a shock to her. It’s not like she hadn’t seen half-dressed men on Jakku. It _was_ a desert planet and the scavengers there weren’t shy about stripping down when they got a chance to bathe. More than once she’d had to avert her eyes. But none of them were built like Ben Solo. They’d all been half-starved, with the leathery skin of those left out to bake in the desert sun for years.

Since then, she’d stumbled across him working on his lightsaber technique more than once, always dressed in a pair of loose-fitting black pants and, also as always, no kriffing shirt. She’s sure the arrogant bastard knows how good he looks and is all too happy to show off for her. She really does try to ignore the other side of her that tells her every time she shows up, he frantically grabs at the nearest piece of clothing to cover up. It has to be a ploy, right?

He watches her for a moment, the color high on his cheeks, and she’s not really sure if it’s from embarrassment or from the heat. Cursing, she turns away from him and strides into the creek herself. She’s warm, too. Not overheated, not like Ben is in his ridiculously too warm clothes, but it’s hot and sticky in the woods.

“Fine,” she hears him mutter, and she averts her eyes as he strips off his shirt, plunging it into the freezing water and letting it drip over his hair and down those ridiculously broad shoulders of his.

So maybe she’s not _totally_ averting her eyes. She can appreciate a fine male form with the best of them.

When he steps back toward her, she forces herself to look up and meet his eyes.

“If I die from some tick-borne illness, I’m going to kill you,” he mutters.

“You can’t kill me if you’re dead,” she points out.

He growls, actually _growls_, and she would be lying if she didn’t say that low rumble didn’t do things to her.

“There are no ticks. Analysis shows that…”

“Yeah I know. Can we just get going? We have a lot of ground to cover.” And he stalks away.

Shaking her head, Rey quickly fills her canteen and rushes to catch up with his longer strides.

* * *

She follows him for the rest of the day and it’s _exhausting_. More than once she has to ask him to slow his pace.

“They’re still out there,” he tells her more than once.

“They…”

“They’re following us. I don’t know how you can’t see them. Or…sense them at least.”

“Are they Force sensitive?” she ventures.

“I don’t know,” he admits. And the problem is that he truly believes they’re being followed. To the point at which Rey keeps looking behind her, expecting to catch a glimpse of something. Ben doesn’t even know what, really. He says he can’t quite see them, but he senses their presence and gets small glimpses of them.

“Do they mean us harm?” She doesn’t even know why she’s humoring him in this. There’s nothing back there. More than once he’s insisted they backtrack to look. They’ve found no footprints of any sort. Nothing that indicates a wild animal or a humanoid being is there. And there _are_ humanoids on the planet. They don’t know much about them, but scans have shown there are some sort of humanoids living in primitive villages scattered throughout the planet’s forests.

“I don’t know,” he says again.

“Well, that makes me feel good.”

“Then keep up,” he throws back at her. “I’ll protect you.”

“As if you could.”

“You don’t think I could?” He pulls his lightsaber out and thumbs it on. It takes everything in her to not roll her eyes.

“Oh, put that thing away.”

“That’s what they all say.” That’s said with a grin. A stupid, obnoxious grin. And she feels her cheeks heat at the implication.

“You have been spending _way_ too much time with Poe.” It’s such a Poe thing to say, confident and arrogant and everything that really irritates her about the pilot. It’s definitely not something Ben would ever say.

When his cheeks suddenly turn red and he looks away from her, she realizes he’s finally figured out just what he said. “I…” he starts to say, clamps his mouth shut. “Whatever.”

* * *

He suggests they stop for the night at a bend in the creek. There’s a perfect patch of grass to build a small fire and lay down their sleeping bags for the night, and Rey looks exhausted. He’s pretty sure the sound of the creek rushing past them will lull her to sleep in no time.

“I’ll take first watch,” he tells her. He doesn’t know why. He can’t say he feels unsafe on the planet. But there are _things_ in the woods, things he catches fleeting glimpses of, large, white. He sometimes sees them just out of the corner of his eye, but whenever he turns to look directly at them, they’re gone.

Rey thinks he’s crazy.

It’s written into every line of her body and every roll of her eyes. Oh, he’s pretty sure she doesn’t think he sees those little movements, often turning away as she does them. But the truth is that Ben Solo watches every move that Rey makes. He enjoys watching her lithe form as she walks through the woods. He even enjoys her sharp tongue and her near-constant attacks on him.

The latter, really, is something he probably enjoys more than he ought to, now that he thinks about it.

“I need to piss,” he says as he steps toward the woods. “No watching.”

“Why the kriff would I even want to?”

He shrugs. “Someone might.”

“Well, _I_ wouldn’t want to,” she shoots back with and turns her back to him.

“Suit yourself,” he grumbles. It seems he can’t say anything right. Every time he opens his mouth, she comes back with something that indicates she finds him annoying as hell. Just why _did_ his mother send the two of them out on this wild bantha chase? It’s a Jedi Temple, fine. But neither of them are actually Jedi, even if they have the Force.

Now they’re stuck together for the Force knows how long. She barely tolerates him at the best of times. And this is definitely not the best of times.

He glances back at her and sighs. There’s the worst of it really. Ben Solo is a little more than halfway in love with Rey. But no matter what he does, the words come out wrong, the gestures come out wrong. He watches Poe, in all his slick flirtations with both men and women, and he kriffing _tries_ to be like that. But when it comes down to it all, he’s really just an overly big and awkward dork. Why would Rey want that anyway? She’s beautiful and smart, and whipcord strong. She could have any guy on the base eating out of her hand if she wanted to.

_Probably eating out of…_

_Kriff_.

He really should never have watched that holoporn that Poe pulled out one night when a few of them had had too much to drink. It gave him _ideas_. Ideas to try, to…

_Kriff, stop it Ben. Focus_.

He’s just finished peeing and tucking himself back inside his pants when he becomes aware of something watching him. His head shoots up. And there it is. There _they_ are.

He hadn’t been imagining things.

_Wait until Rey sees them_.

The one in the lead approaches and he realizes it’s a horse. No, not a horse. Not exactly. This alien horse almost glows in the moonlight, her white coat shimmering as she steps closer to him. Her tail looks like a lion’s, thin with a tuft of hair at the end. She walks daintily and as she nears him, she bows her head, the long white horn on her forehead nearly touching his feet.

He jumps back a step.

“What are you?”

She tosses her head, neck muscles rippling, white mane flying around her head. _We’re here to protect you_.

“Me?”

The others approach now, their gazes all on him as they press in on all sides around him.

_You’re beautiful_, one of them says. Their mouths don’t move, but he can _hear_ them in his head. The Force. They must have the Force, these strange alien beings.

_Such a strapping lad._

_Lovely._

_We will keep you safe._

“From what?”

_Safe from everything._

_Safe from whatever might befall you._

_Safe from the world at large._

They surround him, their voices crooning soft words in his ears.

_Lean on me._

And he does, letting one of them support him. His knees buckle, but it’s not a scary feeling. Soft fur surrounds him as he sinks to the ground.

_You need not fear._

_Not fear anything._

_You are safe._

_Stay with us._

Yes. Yes he will stay with them, where he’s safe. Where there’s no First Order and no Resistance and no creatures to haunt his nightmares.

_Lay down._

_Sleep._

_You are safe here_.

And he does, his head coming to rest on one of the creature’s haunches, the smooth fur a gentle comfort to his head. He closes his eyes.

_You are safe_.

He starts to drift off, floating among the clouds.

_Sleep_.

It’s peaceful there. So peaceful, there among such beauty.

_Yes. Here it is beautiful._

_Here it is peaceful._

He feels the dark of a dreamless sleep pulling him in.

_Rest with us._

_Stay with us._

_Sleep, my child._

“Ben!”

There’s a discordant note among the voices.

_No!!!_

He sits up.

“Ben, what the kriff are you doing?”

He blinks up at Rey. She’s so far above him. “I found them,” he whispers.

“Found _who_? Ben, you left to take a piss nearly an hour ago. I wanted to give you privacy for whatever the kriff you needed to do, but that was long enough. But now I find you here, just laying in the middle of the forest. What the kriff are you _doing_?”

The world finally loses its hazy feeling and he blinks again as he looks around the clearing.

There’s nothing there.

“Did you see them?”

“_Ben_.”

“No…no. They were _right here_. You didn’t see them?”

“Ben, there’s nothing there. There’s _never_ been anything there.” She holds out a hand to him. “Will you come back to camp with me? I’m starting to worry about you.”

He glances at her hand for a moment before taking it and heaving himself to his feet. “They were here Rey, I swear it. Horses. Horse with horns and the softest white coats you’ve ever seen. They were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Well, second most beautiful at any rate. _Nothing_ is more beautiful than Rey, even when she’s drawn herself up with complete ire as she has now.

She watches him and finally shakes her head. “When we get back to base, I think we need to get you a full medical workup.” It takes her a moment of his standing there, staring at her, to realize she’s still holding his hand. And he’s still holding hers. _Kriff_. She pulls her hand away quickly and leaves him standing there, hand still awkwardly hanging in the air. She’s stands awkwardly, not really sure what to say or do at that point, so she turns to escape

And walks into a tree.

“Kriff!” she shouts as her head connects with it.

“Rey, are you alright?” He rushes forward and grabs her shoulders, turning her back toward him. There’s a cut on her forehead and he reaches up to wipe the blood away. But otherwise she looks ok. If a bit annoyed.

“That tree was _not_ there a moment ago,” Rey mutters. “I know it.”

“Right, of course not,” Ben says and he can’t help the little bit of laughter that bubbles up inside him. He feels almost hysterical with it.

Because it _hadn’t_ been there. She was right about that.

And he’s pretty sure he saw it move all on its own.

* * *

The next day starts fairly easily. They wake up and, while she’s not rested at all— dreams she can’t quite remember having plagued her most of the night— Ben looks well-rested and, even more, he looks _content_. She’s never seen him look quite so rested. There are usually dark circles under his haunted eyes, but not now. He’s even taken the time to alter some of his clothing for the trip, tearing the sleeves off of one of his long undershirts. His bare arms are still a bit distracting, but she’ll take it over the extreme distraction that his bare chest presents.

He does up both of their sleeping rolls while she’s at the creek refilling her canteen and washing up.

“You seem well-rested,” she points out as they set off.

“Best night of sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

“Ben…” she starts to say, but she’s not really sure even _what_ she wants to say. _Do you still see them?_ Horses, some sort of weird magical horses. He spoke of them into the evening as they finally settled down to sleep. Magical horses who _spoke_ to him. She’s pretty sure he’s losing his kriffing mind.

Maybe it finally happened. Years after Snoke first ripped in and planted himself inside his brain like a parasite, his mind has completely fractured. And lucky her, she’s here to see it all go down. His mother should have sent someone else, like Poe or Finn. Though truth be told, they’d probably have left him behind and called it a day.

“Never mind,” she says at last. “Let’s go.”

He nods and shoulders his pack.

She leads this time, heading off down the path near the creek. She just wants to get there and get out, and they have at least another day and a half of walking. By her calculations, they’d covered nearly ten miles the day before. She hopes to get that far today as well.

It’s slow going following the creek as it winds its way through the forest. They’re quiet as they begin their trek. She has little to say and if she’s totally honest with herself, she doesn’t _want_ to know about his stupid horse creatures. This whole thing is frankly ridiculous.

They walk in silence for at least a couple miles. It’s easy going through this part of terrain at least. And she finds that as her mind quiets, her impulse to strangle Ben and the non-existent horse creatures dissipates slightly.

And then she stumbles.

No. She doesn’t stumble.

She’s _pushed_.

She curses as she hits the ground, her knee landing heavily on a root and her hands just barely catching her fall. “Ben!” she shouts as she stands and whirls on him.

And…he’s not there.

Well, he’s _there_. But he’s not close enough to have pushed her.

He rushes forward and his hands hover in the air near her. “Are you…”

“What was that?”

“You were just walking and then you fell. I didn’t see…”

“I didn’t _fall_.”

“Rey, you were just on the ground,” he points out.

“Not helpful,” she mutters. “I’m aware I was on the ground. I was pushed.”

His brow furrows at that and she takes a moment to wipe her dirty hands on her pants. She’s none the worse for wear, really. Her knee will no doubt bruise and there are a couple scrapes on her hands, but that’s the worst of it.

“I can heal those,” he says, reaching out for her hands.

She snatches them back, crossing her arms over her stomach. “I’m _fine_. Let’s just keep going.”

Ben sighs. Actually _sighs_, the bastard. “Ok, Rey. Whatever works for you.” He looks like he wants to say something else, but finally sweeps a hand toward the path and lets her go on.

She’s heading off when Ben speaks again. “I didn’t push you.”

With a huff, she picks up her pace and continues on their trek. Maybe a bit faster than she’d like, but _kriff_, she’d really like to get off this planet.

* * *

She twists her ankle later that day.

Well, she doesn’t want to say _she_ twists it. She feels something reach out, wrap around her ankle, and _tug_. And she goes down again, this time falling much less gracefully. This one _hurts_. There’s a sharp pain on the side of her ankle and when she starts to leverage herself back to her feet, she gasps with pain.

Ben is right there.

Of course he is.

But _he_ didn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t, she realizes. Most people might not trust him as far as they can throw him, but she does. There’s the bond, of course, but it’s more than that. He came with her when she asked. He’s fought alongside her as her equal. She knows that he wouldn’t harm her. Not now. Not ever.

And so his confusion is evident.

“What happened?” he asks.

“Nothing,” she snarls at him.

“Well, obviously _something_ did.”

She snarls something completely unintelligible at him.

“_Rey_.”

“I don’t know. Something grabbed me.”

He nods and she’s not sure if he totally believes her. “I can help.” He offers her his hand and she refuses it again.

He sighs.

“I can heal you.”

“No.”

“_Rey_.”

“_No_.”

She limps off into the nearby woods. There has to be some sort of sturdy branch that’s come off a tree, something she can use as a cane. When she finds nothing, she pulls out her lightsaber. It’s a ridiculous use for such a weapon, but it will cut down a branch from a tree as well as it will cut down a person.

There’s a branch that feels like just the right thickness for her to be able to grip and use as leverage, and so she thumbs on the lightsaber and slices through it. She hears Ben curse as she does it and she turns back to him with a smirk.

“Hasn’t anyone ever taught you survival skills?” she asks as limps her way back to him, holding tight to her new walking staff.

He shakes his head, lips quirking just slightly. “Not with a lightsaber.”

And she laughs. At least there’s some laughter here in the middle of these alien woods.

* * *

He has no idea what’s going on. He’s seen Rey fall twice. And that’s not like her. She’s a sturdy woman (a voice inside him says to never _ever_ use that word when talking to her because he’s pretty sure women do not like to be called _sturdy_; the voice sounds suspiciously like his father’s). He’s seen her clash with him without ever having used a lightsaber before. He’s seen her fight eight Praetorian guards without batting an eyelash, surefooted and full of rage.

Yet here, on this lush jungle planet, she’s fallen.

And here she’s _hurt_. And he hates that. There are some, he’s sure, who might think he’d revel in her pain. He knows their fights have become legendary on the base. He knows they’re always forced to work together and usually it ends with one or both of them trying to tear their own hair out. Or the other’s hair. He tries not to think on the physical fights too much because that leads to thinking on _other_ things that something tells him Rey would also not appreciate (that voice also sounds suspiciously like his father’s, and this time it’s laughing at him;_ kriff it all_).

But he doesn’t revel in it. He wouldn’t.

So he watches her carefully. If something really is coming out of the woods to attack her, he wants to see it, catch it, _stop_ it before it hits her. Maybe even kill it.

And so this time he sees something. A flash of white, a bit of tail. And then a tree, a whole kriffing tree starts to sway. “Rey!” he calls out and while her head turns slightly toward him, she makes no other move that acknowledges the frantic nature of his voice.

But she doesn’t run, just keeps walking in the same direction, and the tree is falling. Fast. Right into the path that she’s walking.

With a cry, he rushes forward and throws his hands up. “Rey, run!”

And the tree stops and Rey looks up at it and then at _him_ with wide eyes. She darts out of the way a moment before he loses his hold on the tree.

He can stop blaster bolts in mid-air, hold them without a thought.

But this? This _fought_ him. This _wanted_ to hit her.

_Oh, kriff_.

“What the kriff was that?” she asks as he lightly leaps over the tree to come stand at her side.

“I don’t know.” He runs a hand through his hair. “It just…fell.” He doesn’t mention what he’s seen. She thinks he’s crazy anyway, so what’s the point? She’ll just get angrier at him, at this whole stupid kriffing situation.

She stares at the tree, gripping the makeshift hiking staff she’d cut out of one of the trees, her eyes wide. “You don’t think these trees are sentient? That I harmed one of their own?” She gestures towards her walking stick.

He shakes his head. “No. They’re not sentient.”

“Right.”

“Maybe…” He glances up. It’s not dark yet, sunset at least an hour or more off, but maybe they’ve done enough that day. “Maybe we should just make it an early night? That ankle might feel better and be easier to walk on tomorrow.”

He’s really, _really_ thankful when she agrees. The weary look on her face and the dark circles beneath her eyes have him worried.

* * *

She refuses that night when he wants to build a fire. She’s starving. She’d love nothing more than to try to trap some animal and have a real meal cooked over a fire pit. But she’s terrified that the fire would set off the trees, that there was something that _wanted_ her dead in this forest.

Just her.

Not him. He seems strangely safe, she realizes, as if the forest is protecting him while trying to kill her.

So they eat dry rations and sip at their canteens.

“Rey?”

“Yeah.”

“You really haven’t seen them?” He’s not looking at her as he speaks, eyes a little unfocused, but staring off into the woods around them.

She heaves a sigh. _Them_ again. His _creatures_.

“Ben.” There’s a warning note in her voice.

“They’re beautiful, Rey. You really should see them. Maybe if you go off into the woods alone you’ll find them. Or they’ll find you. I guess I didn’t go looking for them.”

“I think I’d rather just stay here,” she mutters. “Or did you forget something is trying to kill me?”

“They protect me,” he says in answer. “They’d protect you. I know it.”

“I doubt it.”

When he shakes his head and gets up, she’s not surprised. It’s like he’s in some sort of trance, saying nothing more to her as he gets up and heads into the woods, the same as the night before. It’s eerie, really, sends a bit of a shiver up her spine. It’s like he’s only half there and half somewhere else that she can’t see.

With another sigh, she gets up to follow him. The great big kriffing bastard. She’s afraid something will happen to him out there alone. He’s clearly not in his right mind. _If he’s ever really been in his right mind_.

She hears him before she sees him, though she can’t quite make out the words. She’s pretty sure she hears _No_ and _please don’t_. There are pauses, as if he’s listening to something.

When she rounds the corner, he’s there, back to her as he continues his conversation.

Ben.

And…

Nothing.

He’s talking to nothing. No.., not talking. He’s intently _pleading _with nothing. And the words make very little sense to her. It’s one half of a conversation. She’s fairly certain part of it revolves around her, as she hears him say “she” several times. But other than that, she is completely in the dark. She takes a step closer to him. He doesn’t seem to notice her.

Then another. A twig snaps beneath her foot. He still doesn’t turn, instead taking a small step away. She hears him murmur something, soft, quiet.

“Ben?” She reaches out a hand toward him, takes another step.

“Don’t go!” he shouts to the empty space in front of him.

“Ben!” She rushes forward the last few feet, her hand hovering over his shoulder for a moment before she finally rests it there. He twitches, almost violently.

“No!” he shouts, the word seemingly ripped from deep inside him. And then he _finally_ turns toward her. There’s a darkness in his eyes, pain and anguish and a deep sadness that cuts to the quick. “Why do they leave when you come? Why won’t they stay?”

She wraps an arm around him as best she can. He’s shaking a little, trembling against her side. This whole thing is kriffing ridiculous. He’s _insane_. Certifiable. Totally nuts. They’re going to have to lock him up when they get back. She supposes it really may be for the best.

“Come on. Let’s get back to camp.”

For a moment he doesn’t respond, but then clarity returns to his eyes and she can see a bit of a red tint his cheeks. She steps away from him then and he goes even redder.

“Right,” he finally manages to say.

They curl up closer together that night, still not touching, but close enough for her to keep an eye on him if needed. She has no idea what this whole thing is and it terrifies her a little. She sees nothing in the woods, but he does, and she’s never seen him hallucinate before. Ever since coming with the Resistance, since throwing aside the trappings of Kylo Ren to fight at her side, he’s been grounded. He assists her with meditation, with her lightsaber skills, both with a calm assurance that she’s always found fairly relaxing.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to pull in some of that meditation. She can feel him, just a foot or so away, hears him shift in his sleep, his hand brushing against her hip once when he moves.

It’s a comfort, and that surprises her as much as anything else.

* * *

She’s in another creek when it happens again. They’ve been walking for several miles at the time. Well, he’s been walking, she’s been limping along after him, leaning more and more heavily on the stick she’s relying on to help her get around.

_Kriff kriff kriff_.

He at least keeps a slower pace to make sure she can keep up, though he offers (_twice_) to heal her twisted ankle. She refuses (_twice_) for reasons she’s not even sure of. Her traitorous mind keeps pointing out that they’d get off the planet faster if she could walk faster. She squelches those ideas right down though and grits her teeth against the pain to keep going.

You don’t, after all, just give up on Jakku. If you give up, you die. And so she’s _not_ going to give up here either. It’s not like she isn’t used to working through pain or anything. And it’s not like she hasn’t hurt herself before. There was the strained shoulder when she slipped once and grabbed onto something to keep from falling so deep into one of the old Empire freighters that she’d never be found. And there had been the broken wrist, and the twisted finger, and that toe she broke once, though she doesn’t like to talk much about _that_ one.

So this is just another day for Rey.

She’s in the creek, balancing precariously on one slippery rock while refilling their canteens. Ben had offered to do it, of course, and she wonders when he became such a damned gentleman. She had refused. Because of course she did. She could handle it.

And she _could_.

No problem.

Then she feels something push at her shoulders, just enough of a brush against her that she loses her balance. Her bad ankle comes down into the water and she cringes. But she’s caught herself with the stick she has in her other hand and so that should be that.

It _should_ be.

But no.

Something wraps around that ankle and even as she tries to fight it free, it pulls hard, yanks her right into the water. She goes down with a sharp yell, losing the stick and their canteens as she’s pulled under the water.

Her head hits something hard and her mouth opens up in a scream, only to suck in water. And something’s wrapped around her ankle. It tugs her further into the creek and when her head collides with a sharp rock at the bottom of the creek, she almost loses consciousness.

_I will not die this way. Not here. Not now. Not on this backwater planet_.

_Not alone with_ _Ben. _They’ll blame him. She knows they will. There are still those who would end him if given half a chance.

She twists in the water, opens her eyes. She can’t see much, and she knows the creek is fairly shallow, but it still takes half a second to get her bearings. One direction is lighter and she kicks in that direction.

It has to be right.

She has no idea how long she forces her way toward the light.

Her legs are aching, her lungs are burning, but then she crashes through the barrier, sucking in the air she so desperately needs.

“Rey!” She hears Ben’s voice and she turns, finding him rushing across the creek. “Swim this way.” He’s downstream from her at least and so she moves in his direction.

Well, not moves exactly. Mostly she lets the current take her. She’s not sure what planet she’s _really_ from, but all she can remember is her time on Jakku. The only water to be had there was the sparing bit she might find in a trough at Plutt’s. Swimming does not come naturally to her. It’s something, she thinks, that maybe she should correct in the future.

If she survives this kriffing trip.

Strong hands grip her under her arms, pulling her up and out of the water and she curses at the sudden movement.

“What the hell was that?” Ben asks and she watches as his face slowly transforms from near-panic to something that looks more like worry.

“I have no idea,” she says. Well, attempts to at any rate. She starts coughing as soon as the first words cross her mouth. Water bubbles up out of her lungs and she nearly vomits. Ben’s hands are still on her and she’s sure they’re the only thing keeping her up.

When she looks back at him, there’s a concerned furrow on his brow. “Are you…are you ok?”

“No,” she mutters. “No, I am not ok. _Something_ just tried to kill me. I am _not_ kriffing ok.” Reaching up her hand, she swipes the water and sweat from her brow, only to look down and realize it’s blood. Of _course_ she’s bleeding. She probably has a concussion too.

That would explain why she just wants to lean into Ben’s hands where they still grip her shoulders, why she wants to melt into him, why his soft eyes look and his even softer mouth suddenly look so…

“Here,” he says, reaching up toward her forehead. “Let me?”

She stops him, one hand on his wrist. “What are you…” She coughs a couple more times, takes a deep breath. “What are you going to do?”

He almost rolls his eyes at that. She sees him catch himself, his eyes moving right back to her, his lips pressing together. “I’m going to heal you.”

“How…” She takes a deep breath. She’s heard of this before, of course, but she’s never seen it done. “How exactly does it work?”.

“Did Luke teach you nothing?” Even she cringes at his bringing up his uncle. “Never mind. Just let me…”

She says nothing more, just lets out a huff.

One hand still rests on her shoulder, holding her steady. The other comes up to brush her hair away from the cut on her forehead, tucking it behind her ears. And then his thumb brushes across her skin, light as a feather, and his eyes close. She studies him as he murmurs something soft beneath his breath.

And then there’s warmth.

It starts at her forehead and she can _feel _the skin knitting itself back together, smoothing over. He nods slightly, a small quirk of his lips indicating his satisfaction with a job well done.

But he doesn’t stop there, his murmuring continuing as he sweeps his hand down the side of her neck and she turns _into_ his touch, not away. Her eyes close as his hand continues down her arm, the warmth following every movement he makes.

“Let me…” he starts to say but he doesn’t have to finish. She can hear him in her mind. _Let me heal your ankle too, please..._

“Yes,” she says, a little surprised at just how breathy the word is.

She feels him there, reaching down to touch her ankle, the warmth enveloping it, wrapping around her entire leg. When it fades away, taking the pain with it, she opens her eyes to find him kneeling in the shallows of the creek, his eyes watching her.

She says nothing for a moment.

Truth be told, she doesn’t know _what_ to say.

He stands then, and she almost steps away from him, needing to just escape whatever this _thing_ is that’s flowing between them.

_The bond_.

She’s tried to ignore it ever since he returned with her to the Resistance, tried to keep him out of her mind and tried to stay out of his. But it surfaces in strange moments, and she can always sense it, just a breath away, if only she reaches for it. She can’t ignore it now. It’s _singing_. She feels herself stumble a bit as she tries to right herself before stepping back into the creek that nearly took her life. He reaches out automatically to steady her and the bond sings even louder.

“Rey?”

“I’m fine,” she murmurs, takes a deep breath. “I’ll _be_ fine. Let’s just…” She waves one of her hands around her. “I want to get away from this damned creek.”

He reaches out and grasps her around the waist, lifting her as if she weighs nothing. She lets out a somewhat undignified yelp as he deposits her on the bank. He follows a moment later and she’s almost sure she sees just the hint of a grin playing about his lips.

“This isn’t funny,” she mutters.

“Of course it’s not.”

“Something tried to kill me.”

He nods at her, his look grave. “Any idea what it might have been?”

“I don’t know. It was strong, whatever it was. It had ahold of my ankle and it wouldn’t let go. I’m still not sure how I got free of it.” She remembers twisting, pushing away, her head hitting the ground, and then she’d been up. Up and pulled free by Ben himself.

“Hmmm,” is all he says.

“Look, let’s just…I don’t know. We need to get out of here and find shelter for the night.” She glances at the creek and shudders. “And we need to figure out some way to transport water. I lost our canteens.” The last is said with a bit of a sheepish grin.

He says nothing for a moment, then – “Your ankle, it’s better?”

“It is.”

“Good. We can make better time.” He holds out his arm toward her. “I think…” And he looks nervous for a moment. “Maybe you should stay close to me.” He seems to grimace at the mere thought of that.

“Yes,” she concedes and reaches out to take the arm he’s offering her. “I think maybe that’s wise.”

And she’s almost sure, as they set off into the woods together, that she hears a cry of dismay coming from somewhere out in the forest around them.

* * *

“Have you heard anything?”

Finn is manning the comms that day. It’s been at least a few days since they sent Rey off with Leia’s stupid son in the stupid hopes that they might work out their stupid issues with each other.

Poe, of course, thinks they’re going to…_Oh, kriff_…the last thing Finn really wants to do is imagine his best friend in bed with Kylo Ren.

_Ben Solo_, he reminds himself. He defected. He’s with them, leaving Kylo Ren behind to become something he once was.

“Nothing,” Finn mutters. Poe throws himself in the seat next to him, one leg hanging over the armrest. It’s artless, really, the way Poe manages to be sexy while maintaining a look of complete innocence. As if he’s not even aware the way the pants he’s wearing hug his muscular thighs, or how he looks spread eagle in the seat next to him.

_Argh_.

“Good,” Poe offers up with a laugh.

“Good?”

“I figure by now they’ve either fucked or killed each other. Either way, we’re free of all that tensiony stuff the two of them have going on.”

“Tensiony stuff?”

Poe arches one eyebrow in response to Finn’s question. “Yeah, you know, the way they look at each other when no one thinks they’re looking. Or all their arguments. _Tensiony_ stuff. Personally, I’m betting they don’t even get to this temple the general has sent them to. They’re probably off in the forest fucking up against the trees.”

“You’re disgusting,” Finn mutters, turning back to his comms.

“Maybe,” Poe says as he gets up and claps him on the back. “But you know I’m right.” He leaves then, whistling a jaunty tune. And if Finn turns to watch, well, no one has to know.

* * *

One moment they’re walking through the woods, still arm-in-arm, as Ben seems unwilling to let her stray too far from him after her last experiences. Trees falling, _things_ in creeks pulling her in. Nothing strange befalls him, just her, and so he thinks that maybe he can protect her. And she supposes he does, because nothing more happens.

Not for several hours.

Not until they suddenly walk out of the woods.

“This…” she starts to say. Ben lets go of her arm as he stares.

“Didn’t you see this on your radar?”

“If I did, do you think I would have put us down where I did?” Her voice is strident.

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re enjoying this little trek through the woods.”

She turns to him then, mouth half open. “Does it _look _like I’m having a good time?”

“You…” he starts to say.

“I’m not the one gallivanting around the woods, claiming he _sees_ things that aren’t even there.”

“They _are_ there.” There’s tightness to his voice that she’s all too familiar with. She feels the familiar rage brimming just below the surface and she’s not sure if it comes from her or from him.

“Sure they are,” she mutters, turning back to look at what they’ve stumbled onto.

It’s a village. Primitive, to be sure, just a bunch of huts held together with mud and sticks. There’s a fire pit in the middle of them, with some sort of creature roasting on a spit over it. One of the village’s women…or men… She’s not quite sure, she realizes, as she looks at the creature that’s slowly turning the spit over the fire. It has long, dirty hair, a face covered in soot and dirt, clothes in some sort of rags sewn together with leaves.

Whatever they’re cooking smells divine, she has to admit that much.

And Ben thinks the same if the look of hunger on his face is anything to go by. He even licks his lips and for some reason her eyes are drawn to that slow swipe of his tongue over his plush upper lip.

A few of the humanoid creatures are watching them when one steps forward. It’s taller than the rest and she’s surprised to see its face split into a grin. “Greetings!” The voice is most definitely male.

And it’s most definitely speaking Basic.

“Greetings,” she finally says.

The man steps up to them and from that close, she realizes he’s actually human. These are humans here, so far away from their worlds, living in squalor on some backwater planet full of invisible creatures who try to kill you.

“We don’t get many visitors in this part of the galaxy,” he says.

“I can’t imagine why,” Ben mutters next to her. She wants to reach up and clap a hand over his mouth. She’s so afraid these people will take offense at his words. But no, the man laughs instead.

“I suppose we deserve that. We’ve chosen this lifestyle though, chosen this place to live our lives away from the technological advances and warfare of the rest of the galaxy.”

“It seems very peaceful,” Rey says and she means it. No war. No blasters. No need for the Jedi and their lightsabers or for finding ways to defeat the likes of the First Order on some backwater planet in the middle of nowhere.

“It is indeed.” He turns away from them and then waves them after him. “Come, won’t you join us for the evening meal? The children will be fascinated that we have offworlders here.”

“You live without technology,” Rey starts to say.

“Indeed we do. But we are not ignorant,” he adds. “We have our ways of finding out about the rest of the galaxy. We still have no interest in returning. This—” He waves his arm around them, encompass the entire village, “is our paradise.”

She has a hard time thinking of mud huts as paradise, but who is she to argue with him? They’ve obviously found something there.

“We’ll join you,” Ben says and she’s sincerely surprised at that. She was sure he’d refuse and stalk off. But there’s a strange, feverish look about his eyes. _There are answers here_.

* * *

They’ve been welcomed with open arms. The children are indeed fascinated, reaching out to touch his clothing with reverent hands. The villagers gawk as Rey and Ben walk through their tiny village. There aren’t many of them there. He would guess no more than twenty or thirty. The women tend fires and the men haul logs and the children race around them with gleeful abandon.

There will be a feast that night to celebrate their visit and the villagers scurry about to pick more vegetables, the men leaving on an impromptu hunt. It makes Ben feel a bit awkward about the whole thing, if he’s honest. He’s not used to people _wanting_ him around. He’s used to sneers, to the nervous masses clutching at each other when he passes. He’s been with the Resistance for quite some time and he knows all that most of them see is _him_. Kylo Ren.

Rey, at least, is different. She dislikes him for all too personal reasons. They argue like two loth-cats, circling each other as they fight for some sort of weird dominance in their world of two.

But here, he’s just an offworlder, nothing more. They learn his name is Ben, but nothing else. There’s no baggage and it feels strangely freeing to sit calmly at Rey’s side by the fire while the villagers share stories of their world.

They’ve been roasting one of the beasts of their world, a _Waupm_, apparently. When it’s done, one of the women carefully pulls it off the spit and slices it open. The smell is ridiculously enticing after all the rations they’ve been eating. Even the food on base doesn’t compare to the smell of fresh meat cooked over a spit.

“Oh _kriff_,” he hears Rey say next to him. No, not _say_: she moans the words and damned if it doesn’t go straight down to his groin. He almost groans himself as he tries to discreetly adjust himself. She’s going to be the death of him someday, he swears.

They offer him his plate of meat and vegetables, some sort of purple thing he frankly doesn’t need to know more about except that it looks delicious. He hands it over to Rey and the elder of this tribe gives him a knowing look.

“She is your mate?” the woman asks.

Ben almost chokes on his own tongue. “I…what…”

“No,” Rey says quickly. Perhaps too quickly. But when he looks over at her, he notices her cheeks are tinged pink and she can’t quite meet his eyes.

“Well, there’s that whole…”

“Bond, I know. It’s just that…”

“Yeah.”

They both fall silent and the elder woman who had originally asked the question is watching them, amusement dancing in her eyes. “It seems there may be more there than you will admit to.” She says nothing more and Ben finds himself grasping his cup of water and drinking it down just to have something to do.

_There is_, he thinks. Or could be, if Rey were willing.

“Elder Trenhah,” Rey says, turning to the woman. “What do you know of the old temple beyond your village?”

“The Jedi Temple? There are myths about it, of course. Some say it’s where Sol Ardinn made his last stand, falling only after he had managed to ferry away all of the padawans and other knights. Some say it’s not a Jedi Temple at all, but a monument to the Sith of ages ago.”

Ben shudders a little at that. That’s not something his mother ever mentioned.

“Is there any truth in that?” Rey asks and he almost reaches out a hand when he hears a slight tremor to her voice.

Trenhah shrugs. “Who’s to say? This is where you’re headed?”

“It is.”

“Then the most we can do is wish you luck. We know little outside of this village and the hunting grounds just surrounding it. It’s been a long time since any of our villagers have ventured so far. The Living Force provides for us, but we care little about venturing further away.”

He watches as Rey nods at that. She looks thoughtful, but he can also see the furrow between her brows and then he does reach out, touches her hand just briefly. “We’ll be fine,” she says. “Thank you.”

And then he can’t stop himself, the words tumbling from his mouth. “Elder Trenhah? In the woods, I saw something…” He hesitates there as she turns to look at him. “Creatures.”

“Ben,” Rey says and he can hear the warning in her voice.

“They resembled horses, all white.” He lets out a small _oof_ as Rey’s elbow collides with his side. He has no idea what her problem is. She can’t see them for some ridiculously weird reason. It’s like she’s completely blind to such beauty. She can see how wires go together, can understand how the calcinator works or how to rewire a speeder. But something so beautiful it damn near pierces his half-dead heart? That she cannot see. “But they’re _not_. Not horses, that is. Their fur is soft and almost glows and they have a lion’s tail and cloven hooves. And a horn...”

There’s a small gasp and Trenhah leans forward. Her husband reaches out a gnarled hand to grip hers. He looks as taken aback as she does.

“You’ve…seen them?” Trenhah asks.

“I just told you I did,” he shoots back. He glances over at Rey and she just looks exasperated. He doesn’t even need to delve into her mind to know what she’s thinking. _Just stop already_.

“But…” And here Trenhah takes a deep breath. “Only our young maidens see these creatures.” She looks somewhat embarrassed and he has no idea why. No idea what she’s even hinting at.

“What are they?” he says at the same time Rey speaks up.

“They exist?”

This time it’s he who shoots her a look. He’s finally going to get to the bottom of this mystery, find out what these lovely and amazing creatures are.

“Of course they exist, dear child,” Trenhah says. The looks she gives Rey is a curious one. Unreadable and yet a little cross at the same time. Ben really has no idea why she would look annoyed at Rey. Rey is curious. And okay, she’s a little forthright and sometimes says the first thing that comes to her mind. He figures it’s a product of too many years alone on a hellhole like Jakku and mostly just shrugs it off . But she’s been nothing but extremely polite here and he hasn’t seen her insert her foot into her mouth _once_ with these people. Trenhah finally just shakes her head and looks back at him. “They’re _Ahadi_. The ancients of many worlds call them unicorns.”

He hears Rey let out a gasp and glances over at her.

It’s like she knows.

Her face is a little red as she watches him and he has no kriffing clue why.

“What is it you know that I don’t?” he asks as he leans closer to her.

“I…um…that is…” Rey stumbles over her words, and Trenhah spares her a glance before turning back to Ben.

“Do you know nothing about unicorns, child?” she asks, and there’s a gentleness to the question, as if she’s broaching it very carefully.

“Of course not.” He doesn’t mean to snap the words at her, but they come out that way anyway. He takes a deep breath. And then another when Rey puts her hand lightly on his forearm.

“The legends I’ve heard on Jakku say they will only appear to those who are pure.”

“I’m the furthest thing from pure,” he interrupts with.

“I don’t mean…” She won’t quite meet his eyes. “I don’t mean like, _murder_, or anything. I mean…pure. Like…” And here she almost mumbles the word. “Sexually.”

He feels the blood drain out of his face a little at that. “You mean only virgins can…”

“Yes…” She won’t meet his eyes as she speaks.

“So then you’re…”

“No.”

“And so I…”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Oh _kriff_. They all know.

It’s not like he’d ever really had the time. Nor the inclination for many years of his life, if he’s going to be honest with himself. Such entanglements were forbidden at Luke’s Jedi academy, not that he wasn’t sure some completely ignored that rule. And while nothing was explicitly said by Snoke, just the fact that he was in his head was, well, enough to cool any sort of ardor he might have felt.

Not that he _had_ felt it.

Not until…

_Her_.

“It’s…” Rey starts to say when he sets the plate he didn’t realize he was gripping so hard on the ground and stands. “Where are you going?” she ends up asking instead.

“I need to go.”

“Where?”

He makes a vague motion with his hands and turns to walk off. He can hear her calling him, but all he can think is, _she knows_. And worse, he realizes. She has the experience he doesn’t.

It shouldn’t surprise him, not with her harsh and often lonely upbringing. He had, when he was younger, thought about reaching out in such a way to someone. But there had been no one he _could_ reach out to, no one he really _wanted_ to in that way. It was all too much vulnerability for him, especially as an awkward teenager with that horribly short hair-cut his uncle made him keep and his gigantic ears...

He’ll just disappear in his tent for the night and maybe they can all forget about this in the morning. As long as those stupid, _stupid,_ creatures don’t come to him in the middle of the night.

_Kriffing unicorns_.

* * *

Rey spends a little bit longer with the elders of the village, sitting around the fire pit while they listen to her stories of wars waging on worlds they have little interest in. It’s the polite thing to do after all, especially after Ben left so abruptly.

_Unicorns_.

Of all things. She’d heard of them before, of course, but had thought they were a myth. For sure, none were on Jakku and so even during those many years she’d been “pure,” there had been no nightly visits by mysterious one-horned creatures.

And now here they are.

She can’t see them.

But _he_ can.

She honestly hasn’t really thought about Ben’s sexual status before. Well, okay, she might be lying to herself about that one. She’s just assumed that he’s been there, done..._that_. It’s not that she has tons of experience herself. A few fumbles with an offworlder once or twice, just to see what it’s like or to scratch an itch. But still, he’s kriffing _thirty_.

“What more do you know about these unicorns?” Rey asks as the little gathering set up to honor them is winding down.

Trenhah gives her a knowing look. “Ah, your experience with them has been less than stellar.”

“I have no experience with them,” Rey says with a wave of her hand.

“No? Your companion tells us that you’ve had a few unfortunate incidents of late.”

“Well…” She feels a shiver work its way up from the base of her spine. “Are you saying it’s…_them_?” Trenhah gives her a somewhat smug look and the rest of the women who are looking on just shake their heads. “That’s impossible,” Rey says with a wave of her hand.

“Is it?”

“I can’t even _see_ them.”

“And why is that, my child?” Trenhah asks, her wrinkled brow furrowing even more. “Because unlike your young friend over there, you’re _not_…”

“Yeah, I’m not.” She stands then. “This is ridiculous.”

Trenhah makes a tsking noise. “They’re going to continue to plague you.” And there’s a warning in her voice.

“I’m sorry? I don’t really get what you’re after here…”

“They’re protecting him,” one of the other women says and the rest with her make little tittering noises as they glance over their shoulders, eyes following the path Ben had just taken.

“Protecting…” Her voice trails off. The tree that almost fell on her. The pushes that knocked her over. Whatever that was that pulled her under the water. And all that time Ben was left completely unharmed, not one single strand of all that thick hair of his out of place.

“Yes,” Trenhah responds with. “They’re protecting his virtue. Against _you_. And they’ll keep doing it, whether you want them to or not. They see it as their job, and it’s one they take _very_ seriously.”

She’s really not sure what to say to that. The thought of trekking another the Force knows how many miles with these _creatures_ dogging their heels half-terrifies her. She’s afraid if they keep going they might end up out for her blood. “Thank you,” she finally says.

Trenhah nods at her. “Just think about what I said.” The last is said with a smile that Rey can’t quite interpret. With a final nod to the elderly woman, Rey turns and heads to the little hut they’ve set aside for her.

* * *

It’s the middle of the night when Rey hits on the idea that will ultimately solve their problem. She’s spent far too much of the night trying to find her way through this.

She could go on alone, leave Ben at the village and find him after she retrieves the object. He could spend his time talking about the damned unicorns with the village maidens who seem just a little too taken with him. They’d love that, she’s sure, with the way they’d surrounded him, reaching out to touch him occasionally. It had been amusing, really, watching him try to fend off their interest, awkwardly patting one girl on the shoulder while frantically looking around to locate Rey.

_He _wouldn’t like that though. Despite whatever issues there are between the two of them, he seems strangely protective of her. He offers to help her walk, to carry her pack, to _heal_ her after those kriffing unicorns nearly killed her. He won’t trust that she’ll be safe on her own.

He’s probably not wrong.

She could let _him_ go on alone. He’ll have their protection as he moves through the forests and so it’ll be safer.

She knows he won’t like that one either. They came together and his mother seemed to indicate that whatever it was they were going to find there would take _two_ Force users to retrieve it. It’s why she wouldn’t send Rey with one of the other Resistance members, even though she had begged Leia to send her with Finn or Rose or _kriff_, even Poe, and they all know she finds Poe infuriatingly arrogant.

So that leaves one option.

One really strange and somewhat scary option.

_Don’t back down now, Rey_.

She’s out of her hut, lantern in hand, and at the door to his before she can talk herself out of it, knocking softly in the hopes of not awakening any of the villagers.

She’s not even sure she really wants to wake up Ben.

But then the curtain blocking the doorway shifts slightly and he’s peering out at her. “Rey?” His voice sounds full of sleep, but his eyes are all too alert.

“Can I come in?” she asks.

He stares at her for another moment before nodding wordlessly and stepping back. She follows him into his hut and lets him close the door behind her. Dousing her lantern, she turns to look at Ben in the dim light of the fire that’s still going in the center of his hut. And now she feels more shivers working their way up her spine. _This is kriffing ridiculous. It’s not like you haven’t done this before_.

_But it’s Ben_, her brain so helpfully provides. As if that explains the weird fluttery feeling deep in her gut.

“What is this about?” He sounds suspicious. “If it’s about what was said earlier…”

“It is,” she confirms and watches as his eyes widen slightly.

“Can we just forget about it?” he mutters.

“I don’t think we can…”

“You’re not going to…” He waves a hand in the air. “You know…”

“I know?”

“_Tell_ anyone. Back on base. Force, please don’t. It’s not something I need anyone to know.”

“I’m not going to tell them.” Does he really think her so petty? So _mean_?

He releases a breath and his shoulders relax, just slightly.

Rey takes a breath. _Here goes nothing_. “Besides, it’s not going to matter.” And here she offers up a smirk that shows the confidence she doesn’t really feel in that moment.

“It’s not?”

“No. Because you’re going to sleep with me.” There. She’d said it.

Ben’s face goes white. And then kind of red…and purple. And then he starts to cough.

“Ben?”

“Are you kriffing serious?” The words explode out of him.

Rey makes a sharp motion with her hands. “Shhh…you’ll wake everyone…”

He reaches out and grips her shoulders. He’s careful not to grasp her with his full strength. She could easily twist away from him. But he lowers his voice, at least. “What are you after here, Rey?”

“After?”

“With this.” He steps back, runs a hand through his hair. “This is…”

“The obvious solution. Look, I’ve been wracking my brain to figure out what we can do. Those unicorn creatures aren’t going to leave me alone. They’re the things that have been attacking me. Trenhah says they’re protecting your virtue. So if we take care of your, you know, _virtue_, then they’ll leave us both alone and we can get on with this.”

“Get _on_ with it.” His lips are drawn together in a tight frown.

“It saves us both.”

“_Saves_ us.”

“Will you stop repeating what I say?”

“I will when you start making sense!”

“Shhh!”

“Rey!” he starts to shout and she makes a frantic motion with her hands. “Rey,” he repeats, her name coming out as a harsh whisper. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“How am I being ridiculous?”

“We’re _not_ doing…doing…” His face is really red and she worries for a moment that he might actually pass out. “…_that_,” he finally finishes with and there’s such a look of distaste on his face that it hits her.

It’s _her_.

He doesn’t want to do it with _her_.

“Oh, Force,” she murmurs. She hasn’t even contemplated that possibility. Typical Rey, jumping feet first in without thinking through it. Impulsive. It’s the one thing Luke told her was her major downfall. She acts first, speaks first and thinks later.

“Rey?”

“You don’t find me attractive.”

“No, it’s…”

She turns away from him. “Oh kriff, of course you don’t.”

“Rey…”

“Why would you? I mean, I look like a teenage boy…”

“Rey!”

“I’ll just be…”

He reaches out and grabs her by both shoulders again, turning her back to him in one smooth motion. “_Rey_.”

Of course he wouldn’t want her. His mother is the beautiful Princess Leia, whose beauty is praised even in her later years. His father was Han Solo, the dashing smuggler turned Rebellion general. Everyone looks up to them. Everyone adores them. They’re beautiful, just as he is.

And she’s just Rey. Rey from nobody, Rey from nowhere. Why would he want _her_? He’s a kriffing prince. He could have any woman he wants.

“This is ridiculous,” he snarls.

She tries to pull away.

He doesn’t let her. “Ben…”

She watches as he takes a deep breath. Then another. “Why do you want to do this?”

“The unicorns…” Her voice trails off. Even she knows the explanation is a pathetic one.

He makes a scoffing noise and reaches one of his hands up to cup her chin, pulls her face up so she _has_ to look at him. His eyes are dark and unreadable in the dim light of the hut. “Rey.” She shivers at the deep tone of his voice. He repeats his question, never taking his hand off her chin.

She tries to look away, but she can’t. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Then let me show you?”

She nods and feels the bond fly open. There’s no hiding anything when it flares to life. They’ve been able to control it more, these past months. Maybe it was their close proximity, no longer across the universe from each other, but in close quarters. It’s been easier in that way. They’re not enemies, maybe something closer to friends, or _more_. And so she’s been able to hide. Here, now, she can’t. She shivers as she feels him float through her mind, a calming presence just going with the flow of her thoughts.

She finds she likes him there, even though a part of her is _terrified_ at what she’s going to reveal to him, thoughts buried so deep she’s only half aware of them herself.

With a deep sigh, she lets a few visions float through her mind. Not memories. No, not those. But visions of things she’s thought about in her most private moments, things she wouldn’t dare tell _anyone_. His hand reaching out for her, pulling her close instead of staying across the fire from each other, lips meeting, a sparring session turned passionate...

He pulls back suddenly at that last one, just as the Ben in her vision rolls over and pulls her on top of him, hands running up to touch her breasts, and then he’s out and her eyes are open and she’s facing him.

He stares at her, lips slightly parted, eyes wide. “You want to.”

“Yes.”

“For real. Not just for _this_.” He takes a step back, the hand that had been gripping her shoulder releases and waves out around them.

“No.”

“Why?”

What does she even say to that? “Because I do?”

“I thought you hated me.” The words are surprisingly soft, and he looks so vulnerable as he crosses his arms over his chest, shrinking into himself a little.

“What? Why would you think that?”

“Because I seem to recall your saying, and I quote, ‘I hate you.’”

“Oh.” She remembers that conversation. Ok, maybe not a conversation. Most definitely an argument. Ok, a knock-down, drag-out fight, really, that resulted in Finn coming running and pulling her away from him.

“I didn’t mean it,” she finally says.

There’s silence for a moment, then – “It sure sounded like you did.” He speaks softly, but the slight pout to his lips speaks to his annoyance.

“_Ben_.”

They stare at each other for a moment and she realizes _this_…this is the moment. Everything can change. Or it can just go back to the way it was before. They can forget this ever happened. Or laugh about it. Or _something_. Maybe that would be easier. She has those other plans after all, where she can go on alone, or he can.

But then he takes a step toward her and uncrosses his arms. His eyes soften just slightly as he watches her. “I…I’ve never done this before.”

Rey offers up a nervous laugh. “I know. I mean, that’s why…”

“Right. Yes. Of course. We wouldn’t be here if I had.”

Rey takes a step toward him. Just one. He really looks like he may flee at any moment. “So…” _Kriff, why is this so awkward?_ “You…”

“Yes,” he says and there’s no hesitation behind the word.

“Good,” Rey says.

She stares at him.

He stares at her. “So...um…”

No one moves for a moment, and she’s starting to feel a little ridiculous about the whole thing.

“Rey,” he says, and the way he says her name, a little bit of a growl to the word shoots straight down to her groin. She flings herself into his arms. Somehow she knows he’ll catch her. It’s a natural reaction and he’s strong, _very_ strong. When she leaps, he catches her, his arms coming around her and pulling her tightly to him.

Rey wraps her legs around his waist and looks down at him. “Hi,” she says.

He says nothing, just watches her for a moment before shifting suddenly and lowering her just _enough_ for their lips to meet.

And _oh kriff_, their lips mash together too quickly, teeth biting into the soft inside of her lip as they crash together. His nose hits hers and it takes a moment of shifting a little for them to come together properly.

But _oh_ when they do…

When they do, the Force sings around them. She can feel it rush through her, and she knows he must feel it too because he lets out a gasp.

She takes full advantage of that, touching her tongue to where his lips are just slightly parted. He lets out a groan and surges forward, his tongue swiping across hers, entering her mouth and…_kriff_.

She pulls back.

He follows, leaning forward, lips still hovering close to hers.

“Ben!”

“What?” he snaps. His eyes open and she realizes she’s never quite noticed how lush his eyelashes are. They frame his wide eyes, pupils so dilated his eyes look almost black.

“A little slower?”

“Kriff.” He sets her down then, and she untangles herself from him. “I knew this was a bad idea.”

“It’s not a bad idea.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing, Rey. None.” He turns away from her and she rushes forward, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Ben…” She has no idea what to say. “Don’t.”

“What do you want me to do, Rey?” He throws his arms wide open as he whirls back around. “I’ve seen exactly two holovids and one was about a hundred years ago and my _father_ was watching it and I hid around the corner to see a few minutes of it. That’s it. I have no more experience than that.”

“What was the other one?” She can’t help the curiosity that creeps into her voice.

“Poe,” he says with a shrug. It’s all the explanation she needs on _that_, really.

“Kriff.”

“Yeah.”

“Ok. Let’s start this over.” She holds out a hand, and he watches her for a moment before reaching out to grasp it in his. She smiles at the warm, familiar feeling of their hands coming together, and leads him over to the pile of blankets that serve as his bed. “Come down here with me.”

She kneels on the makeshift bed that’s been set up for him and pats the blankets next to her. For a moment, she’s not sure he’s going to do anything. He stands frozen next to it, still watching her, hand still in hers. And then he kneels and crawls onto the blankets next to her.

He’s shaking, she realizes. Small tremors racing down his body, and so she just wraps her arms around him, pulls him against her. She’s stroking his hair, enjoying the feel of the soft strands through her fingers, when he speaks. His voice is muffled against her neck. “I just…I want it to be good. For you, you know.”

He pulls back slightly as he speaks, searches her eyes. She’s not really sure how to answer that. Her own experiences speak to the whole thing being slightly awkward even when both parties are experienced, accidentally knocking heads together, elbows getting shoved into a stomach when they shift positions, a bit of pain when her partner had entered her. It’s not that she hasn’t enjoyed it to some degree, but it’s never been what she might describe as _good_.

So instead of answering, she kisses him. Once, chaste, mouth closed. “Go slowly. Follow my lead.” She kisses him again, open-mouthed this time and he follows suit, parting his lips slightly and letting her dip her tongue in to touch his. He doesn’t rush forward, not this time, letting her kiss and nibble at him until he finally moves his own tongue, pressing it lightly to her lips.

And then he’s in _her_ mouth and imitating everything she just did to him, that soft slide of his tongue against hers, his breath sighing into her mouth, and it’s lovely. It really is. He’s a fast learner, which really shouldn’t surprise her.

She lets him explore her for a bit until he finally pulls back and takes a deep breath. “I don’t…I don’t know where to go from here.”

“It’s ok.” She’s not sure either. Well, she knows where it ends up, but she’s always let someone else take the lead. Now she’s the experienced one, no matter how few and far between those experiences were. “Just keep following my lead?” She cringes a little at how uncertain she sounds, but Ben nods vigorously and smiles. Actually _smiles_. “Good, then,” she says. With a deep breath, she reaches down to the hem of her shirt. She feels a little vulnerable as she pulls it off and tosses it aside, despite the band still covering her breasts. Ben does exactly as she does, pulling his shirt off and throwing it in the same direction she did.

He looks strangely vulnerable there, kneeling in front of her, hands loosely resting on his thighs. This isn’t like the first time she saw him half-dressed, half a galaxy away through the Force bond. Now she can reach out, run her hands down the smooth muscles of his chest, watch as it rises and falls with each shallow breath.

“This,” he starts to say, and then swallows hard. “This hardly seems fair.” The last is said with a bit of a smirk.

“Fair?”

He reaches out a tentative hand to brush against the band.

“You’re right.” He is. She knows it, and so she reaches around to tug at the end where she’s fastened it.

“Wait.” He reaches up a hand and touches hers where it rests on her side. “May I?”

Her eyebrows shoot up. It’s not what she expects, this small bit of confidence, but it sends a warm feeling racing down her body, pooling somewhere in her groin. She nods and he lets out a soft groan, reaching out to take over.

He unwinds it carefully, as if he’s unwrapping a delicate present. When he’s revealed skin on her side, he suddenly shifts and presses his lips there. Rey shivers from the sensation, the soft ghosting of his lips over her raising goosebumps wherever they touch her bare skin. He stops for a moment, glances up at her.

“Keep going,” she says, and she doesn’t even recognize her voice, husky and low. Surely it belongs to someone else.

He goes back to his task with dogged determination, pressing kisses to each bit of skin that’s revealed. And then he gets bolder, nipping at her ribcage, using his tongue to taste her. She doesn’t even realize that she’s bare before him until he lets out a small gasp. “Is this ok?” he says, mouth hovering just inches from one nipple.

“Yes,” she just barely gets out when he wraps his lips around her nipple and sucks it into his mouth. “Too hard,” she mutters and he softens, using his tongue instead.

And it’s _lovely_. Her hands come up to tangle his soft hair, running through the strands as he continues to suckle first at one nipple and then the other. When he lets go of one and presses kisses to the underside of her breast, she feels a little dizzy from the sensations.

“Come here,” she says, laying back down on the bedding and pulling him with her. She loves the feel of his naked chest against hers as he settles in next to her, gathering her in his arms for a moment.

“This is okay?”

“You keep asking me that.” She watches him carefully as he pulls back from her. “You’re nervous.”

“I’ve never done this before,” he points out.

“Don’t be.” She reaches up and cups his chin, pulls him in for a soft kiss. “It’s just me, right?”

“Right.” But there’s a strange tightness to the word, as if he knows this isn’t _just_ anything. She doesn’t want to examine that, isn’t really ready to. There’s so much there, in that one word, so much to think about, but she can’t. Not right now.

“You…you still want to?”

“Yes,” he answers quickly and she laughs a little at that. At least he’s eager.

“Good.” She leans away from him and lifts her hips up, pulling her pants down, undergarments going with them.

“What are you doing?” Ben’s voice has gone up at least an octave and Rey freezes, pants at her knees. She sinks back onto the bedding and turns to look at him.

“We can’t exactly have sex if we’re not naked.” She watches as he swallows hard. “You don’t have to yet. If you don’t want to, that is.”

He nods, and she shimmies out of her clothing, throwing them off to the side. She lays back on the pillows, spreads her legs, and _almost_ laughs when his eyes widen and he looks away. “Come here,” she says instead, reaching out to take his hand in hers. “It’s okay to touch.”

“Ok.”

“Breathe.”

He doesn’t move and Rey finally gets tired of waiting for him to do _something_, so she grabs his hand and guides it to her, setting it just above where her legs are spread apart. For a moment, Ben doesn’t move, eyes focused on her, hand trembling slightly, but then he finally cups her and strokes his fingers through the fine hairs he finds there.

It’s a strange feeling. She’s treading into territory _she_ has not crossed here. Her experience is limited to a few kisses, a bit of fumbling, and some very uncomfortable sex. Quick and dirty and done, with the man involved leaving almost as soon as it was over and Rey eventually finding her way back to her AT-AT to masturbate to fantasies of a _real_ lover, the kind who cares about her pleasure as well as his own.

She could have let Ben take her that way, could have taken _him_ that way. Made sure he was hard, taken his virginity, and crawled back to her own hut.

But she doesn’t want to.

She wants to enjoy this. She wants _him_ to enjoy this.

It’s not just about sex. She knows this, but the thought that they’re delving into something that she’s been too terrified to face since they first touched hands across the fire on Ahch-to scares her.

She tilts her hips up on Ben’s next movement and he catches the edge of her slit with one finger. He starts to draw back a little with a small surprised gasp.

“Don’t…you don’t have to stop. Please touch me.” The last is a whispered plea that _finally_ gets her what she wants. One of Ben’s fingers dips lower, running through the moisture there.

He brushes against her clit and she can’t help the little gasp that leaves her.“There?” he asks and when she nods, he brings his finger back to it, touching the little bundle of nerves just a little too lightly.

“You can press a little harder.”

He does so, circling it with his finger. “I can’t believe how wet you are,” he whispers.

“Did you think none of this excites me?”

“I didn’t think you really wanted to do this,” he admits. “That it was just some sort of duty for you.”

He hits on just the right spot and her head goes back. “Kriff, no. It’s not just duty. I told you..._Yes_. Just like that.”

His finger slides around her clit and _oh Force_, it’s like nothing she’s ever experienced. She’s touched herself plenty of times, brought herself to orgasm many times. But not like _this_. The soft slide of his finger across her leaves her shaking, unable to think straight.

“Can I…” His voice trails off and his finger stops moving.

Rey looks over at him and is surprised to see how red his face is. Even the tips of his ears, where they’re sticking out through his sweat-slicked hair, are red. “Can you...?”

“It’s just that…Ok, look, I might have thought about it before. Going down on you.”

She lets out a little squeak at that. “You’ve thought about it?”

“That holovid I saw…” he says by way of explanation. “He did... _you know_... and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it… and you...because I _wanted to_. With you, I mean. And here’s the chance.”

She watches as he stammers his way through the explanation, and there’s one thing that comes out of all that rambling: He wants to do _that_ with _her,_ and he’s thought about it before. Enough that he’s daring to bring it up now.

“Men don’t do that,” she points out. “I mean...it’s not…_kriff_. It’s not something men do because they enjoy it.”

“I would.” There’s a fervency, a determination behind the words. “Rey, please?”

She’s still not sure what to think of this turn of events. This was for _him_, not for her. And yet… “Ok,” she finally says.

He immediately moves down to settle between her legs. And now he’s _right there_ and he’s looking at her most intimate part. And the whole thing is a little scary. She wants to close her legs. Or pull him up and tell him to forget it. That it’s not a good idea. That maybe they can try it sometime in the future. If there is some sort of future where they get to do this again.

“You’re amazing,” he says, and the way his breath ghosts across her thighs makes her shiver.

“Confession time?” Rey says suddenly. Kriff, maybe _she’s_ not ready for this.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve never done this before.”

He looks up at her and there’s this grin on his face. “No? So I’m your first?” She nods. “I like that.” And the bastard sounds _smug_ over it. She supposes he deserves that much at least.

“I told you I wasn’t that…”

But she can’t finish the words because he leans forward and _licks_ her, one quick swipe of his tongue. Rey curses. Ben laughs. And he does it again…and again.

“If I do anything you don’t like, let me know?” She nods, stunned. And then he just dives in, like he’s been doing it his entire kriffing life. It’s not perfect. She has to direct him a few times, tell him not to tongue her quite so hard, to not use his teeth in such a sensitive place, reminds him that her clit is _there_ and that perhaps he might concentrate on that.

But he gets it soon enough, adjusting to each of her instructions, falling into a rhythm that has her grabbing at his hair just to have something to hold onto. The feeling of his soft, wet tongue on her is almost too much, almost more than she can take. She lets out a soft moan and then clamps her hand over her mouth. She can’t let _them_ hear and so fights to remain silent as he holds her by the hips and alternately licks and sucks at her clit.

And then he presses a finger inside her. And then two. Her orgasm overtakes her before she even realizes it’s going to. Her whole body tightens up, like a bowstring drawn taut, before releasing with an intensity she wasn’t even _aware_ an orgasm could have. She puts her forearm over her mouth and bites down as he continues to lick and nibble at her.

“Stop,” she manages to get out and he pulls back to look up at her.

“Am I doing it wrong?”

She just gapes at him. “You…” She clears her throat. “You do realize I just orgasmed, don’t you?”

And then he’s up next to her almost before she can even blink, staring at her, mouth half open. And it’s kriffing obscene, the way she can see her juices on his chin, knowing what he just did. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand when he sees her staring. “You did?” he finally manages to get out. When she nods, he goes on, like an excited puppy. A ridiculously over-large excited puppy. “I did that? Really?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

“Now, come on, are we going to finish this or not?” She reaches down and palms him, running her hand along his length. He’s still wearing his pants, but even through them she can feel how hard he is. He feels thick beneath her hand and she’s suddenly eager to feel him inside her. “Come on, let’s get these things off you.”

He nods mutely, rolling onto his back as she reaches down to undo his pants, letting her pull them down his long, muscular legs. They’re almost as smooth as his chest, and she finds she likes it, running her hands down the length of his thighs, his calves. There’s only a small bit of hair that starts just below his belly button and continues down below the edge of his undergarments. She runs her hand through it as she pulls his undergarments off, same as he did with her, and then he’s revealed to her, undergarments pulled off and tossed away, cock hard and thick where it rests against his belly.

She likes it.

She likes the smooth length of it, like velvet over steel. When she wraps her hand around it, he lets out a hiss. “Rey…” She pumps him once, twice. “Stop. I can’t…kriff, _Rey_.”

“Ben Solo, at a loss for words? I never thought I’d see the day.” She doesn’t take her hand off him though, just keeps it there.

He takes a deep breath and she can see him struggling with something. “If you keep doing that, we’re not going to get to the whole kriffing point of this.”

“Oops,” Rey murmurs and smirks at him. “Then should we get to the main event?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” He rolls so he’s back on top of her, half kneeling between her spread legs. And then he pauses. “I’m not quite sure where to go from here. I mean, I know where to _go_, but…”

“Let me?” she asks, reaching down to touch him again. He nods and she wraps her hand around him once more, guiding him to her. “Just go slowly. It’s been awhile.”

He groans as he presses forward and the tip enters her. “Oh kriff. This is…oh…” His voice fades into something unintelligible as he pushes a little further forward. He’s doing his best, Rey realizes, trying so hard to keep it slow. The stretch is glorious. It doesn’t hurt, not like the last times. She’s surprised by that, as he’s larger than the few other men she’d been with, both long _and_ thick. But this time there’s no pain. Despite his complete lack of experience, he’s careful and when he finally is seated fully inside her, the feeling is really quite wonderful.

“Rey,” he murmurs, pressing kisses to her cheek, to the edge of her jaw, burying his face in her neck. “Rey, oh kriff, Rey this is…I don’t even know.”

“You can move,” she whispers against the side of his head.

And then he does, pulling out and pressing back in, letting out another curse. She pushes up to meet him on the next thrust, moving with him. And for a moment, she’s not sure who she is. She can feel him inside her and yet feel her wrapped around him at the same time. As if she is both him and her at the same time, wayward emotions flying and melding together. “Ben!” She doesn’t meant to shout his name so loud, but it comes out anyway.

“Kriff, Rey, I don’t know if I can hold on.”

“Don’t.”

“I want to make it good for you.”

She wraps her legs around his waist, wraps her arms around him, as if she can somehow meld their bodies together into one. “It is,” she grinds out. “Let go, Ben.”

His hips snap into hers a few more times before he starts to lose the rhythm, and Rey just holds on as he finally lets go, face buried in her neck to muffle his shout.

And then all is silence. He collapses half onto her, and she can feel him softening inside her. She unwraps herself carefully, legs coming to rest on either side of him, arms still holding loosely to his shoulders. He’s trembling, just a little bit, and she’s not sure if she feels his sweat in the crook of her neck…or tears. _Oh kriff_.

“Ben?”

He says nothing, just wraps his arms around her.

“Ben? You’re _heavy_.” There, that ought to annoy him enough. And it does, sort of. He rolls off of her, his cock sliding out and leaving her feeling strangely empty. Gathering her close, he lets out a sigh.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” he murmurs into her hair.

“Since you hit puberty?”

He pulls back then and meets her eyes in the flickering light of the fire. “That’s not what I meant.”

She’s not sure what to say to that. She knows what he’s getting at, and she doesn’t quite know if she’s ready to face that.

“Ben.”

“No, Rey. I can’t just pretend this meant nothing.” He leans down and kisses her softly. He doesn’t linger and she finds she wants _more_ when he does finally pull away. “I didn’t just do this to get the unicorns off our backs. I did this because I wanted to. And I wanted to with _you_.”

It’s not quite a love confession. But it’s close.

And she realizes that he’s waiting for something, watching her carefully. She’s not sure what to say. “Kriff,” she mutters.

“You don’t feel the same.” He sounds dejected.

“No. I mean…it’s not that.”

“So you do?”

She puts her head down, rests it on his bare shoulder, and takes a deep breath. “I’m so confused.”

“This isn’t the time for this discussion, I know.”

What does she even say to that? She cares for him, certainly. She could love him. Maybe she already does. “I wanted to do this too,” she finally says. “With you.”

She can feel him smile against the top of her head. “Good,” he says softly. “That’s good enough.”

She falls asleep that night still wrapped up in his arms. And she’s never felt safer or more wanted than she does that night.

* * *

It’s late, really far later than they had planned on being up. They’ve been waking up with the sunrise these past couple nights, letting that be a sort of natural alarm clock. But hidden in the dark confines of the hut, the light barely reaches them through the edges of the fabric curtain that hides them from the outside world.

The rest of the villagers appear to be up already when they stumble out, the fire tended to by one of the village elders that he doesn’t recognize. Trenhah is nearby, and she’s watching with a somewhat grim look around the corners of her mouth. “You won’t see them this night,” she says and he can feel his face heat.

_She knows_.

Of course she does. He’s not even sure why he thought she wouldn’t. He has no sense that the elderly woman has the Force, but still there’s something there that points to her being aware of things others might not be.

“No,” he finally says.

Rey reaches out and takes his hand, twines their fingers together. “We’ll just pack up our stuff and be on our way.”

Trenhah watches her for a moment. “Yes, I suppose you will.” She glances over at the woman stirring the pot over the fire. “At least break your fast with us before continuing on?”

He hears Rey breathe a sigh of relief. They’re not pariahs at least. He wonders how many of their taboos they just broke by doing what they did. They’d taken them into their home as if they were one of them, and they probably crossed lines they shouldn’t have the previous night..

“Thank you,” Rey says. “We’d like that.”

Trenhah nods to the woman at the fire and she immediately secures two bowls, pouring generous helpings of whatever breakfast stew they’ve been making. It smells absolutely delicious and Ben puts a hand over his stomach as it growls.

“We worked up a bit of an…_oof_.” The last is said as Rey releases his hand and elbows him in the side. “Sorry.”

They settle in with their bowls and for the first time that Ben can remember, he feels content. Rey is at his side and every once in awhile, her arm brushes his. He likes that. They feel like a team now, and even the Force feels pleased with them, as if it had been waiting for this very moment.

After they finish and put together their meager belongings, they are met at the edge of the forest by Trenhah and one of the younger women from the village. They offer them a small package and in it, he finds portions of dried meat and a new set of metal canteens to replace the ones Rey had lost when she’d been pulled into the creek.

“There is no path to the temple,” Trenhah tells them. There’s a warning behind the words he’s not sure he likes.

“We’re aware of that,” Rey says. She’s surprisingly diplomatic when she wants to be.

“If you go due north, you’ll reach it faster than following the creek.” Trenhah stares off into the forest. “The creek will get you there, of course. But walking north? A half day’s trek at the most, less if you really get moving.”

“We’d like to,” Ben says. There. He can be diplomatic too. Though he has more fondness for the place now, he really just wants to get off the planet and back to their base. Back to…dare he even think it?...home. His home is there, with the others, with _Rey_.

“Thank you,” Rey says, reaching out a hand to grasp Trenhah’s and then the other woman’s in turn. “Your hospitality means so much. I only wish there was something we could do.”

Trenhah smiles. “You’ve given our people a bit of entertainment for the night. It’s not often we meet offworlders. Your visit will be talked about for weeks to come.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing,” Ben mutters.

After a few more words of farewell, he and Rey set off into the forest. It takes little time before they’re swallowed up by the trees, Trenhah and her village disappearing behind them like it had never existed.

* * *

“Nothing,” Rey says, standing in the dusty interior of the gutted temple. There’s nothing there, nothing that even marks it as an ancient Jedi temple except for the blackened ruins of what must have once been a great mural. She can see the edge of one man with a lightsaber fighting something that had long since burned away.

If there was ever something there, it’s gone now. She’s staring at the mural when Ben comes up and puts a hand on her shoulder.

“She was wrong,” Rey says.

“Well, she knew the temple was here,” Ben starts to say.

“But there’s nothing left.” She turns and throws her arm out, sweeping the room in one gesture. “All of that for what? _This_?” It’s an empty shell, burned nearly to the ground, and probably centuries ago at that. A long-ago forest fire perhaps, the Sith, she has no idea. But only the stone walls remain of what must have once been an active and beautiful temple, a shrine to the old Jedi ways.

He’s silent as he contemplates the room they’re in. “It wasn’t all bad, was it?”

She turns away from the remains of the mural to look at him. His eyes are soft, but there’s also a wariness there. “No,” she finally says and her voice is surprisingly gentle. “It wasn’t all bad.”

He steps forward then and cups her chin, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. When did he become so bold? He’s always backed away from touch, never letting anything linger, embarrassed and worried at every accidental brushing together of their hands. She remembers the way he trembled the first time touched her the night before.

“What now?” she asks.

“Are you asking about the First Order? Or us?”

And she’s not even sure, really. What they were sent to find here was supposed to be their chance, a way to amplify what little the Resistance has in order to make a final push to defeat Hux and his minions. But that hope is now dashed on the rocks of a burned-out temple.

“Both,” she whispers, and her voice breaks a little on the single syllable.

“We keep fighting.” Simple words with so much behind them.

“Which are _you_ talking about?”

“Both.” He wraps his arms around her and pulls her tight against him. “We’ll find a way to defeat them. We have to. Because if we don’t, what world are we going to leave to those who come after us? Hux will strip every world of its natural resources to power his weapons to keep them all in line so he can strip them of their resources. It’s a vicious cycle.” There’s an anger behind the words. He’s seen it firsthand, the damage that first Snoke and now Hux can do. “And this didn’t pan out. It was a long shot anyway. So we plan and fight and keep looking for a way.”

“I don’t think I’ve heard you sound quite so...hopeful,” Rey murmurs.

“No?” She nods, and he offers her a hesitant smile. “Hmmm…well, there’s more.”

“More?”

“Us,” he says simply. “What is this, Rey?”

She steps back then, pulling out of his embrace to watch him. “What do you want it to be?”

He doesn’t answer for a moment and she realizes that her heart is beating a little more wildly than she expected. They have to have this conversation. Before they go back, before they’re confronted with friends and family, they have to figure themselves out.

At least to some degree.

“Everything,” he answers.

“That’s not an answer.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Ok, how’s this? I want to stop fighting this attraction between us. I want to stop _fighting_. I want to be together. Like we are now. I want a repeat of last night, and I want it so many times that I know your body inside and out, that I know what you love and don’t love. I want _us_. Together.”

“I…” she starts to say and then closes her mouth. He’s trembling slightly as he reaches out and takes her hands in his. “Wow. That’s…a lot.”

“Everything,” he repeats.

“Everything,” she echoes. He says nothing else for a moment and she knows he’s waiting for her. He’s put his heart on the line, she realizes. He can’t quite come out and say the words, though she expects little else out of the son of the man who infamously told his wife _I know_ to her declaration of love. “I’m willing to try if you are,” she finally says

“That’s all I can ask.” He kisses her again and she leans into this one, lets him deepen it. It’s a strangely soft moment, there in the ruins of the Jedi temple.

When they break apart, they’re both breathing a little hard. And Rey knows…this is it. It’s changed everything. And maybe it shouldn’t have, maybe this should have happened a long time ago, but whenever her mind so much as flits in that direction, there’s a hard knot in her stomach. She had never considered herself particularly shy, but she’d also never had any sort of relationship before. Meaningless sex that wasn’t very good? That she’d had. An actual relationship with someone she cared about, maybe even loved? Never.

“Come on,” she says, reaching out to take his hand. “I think it’s time to get back to our ship and off this planet.”

He follows behind her as they leave the temple, squinting in the bright afternoon sun. “You know,” he says as they start to head back in the direction they’d come from. “I’m feeling strangely fond of this planet.”

She glances over at him. “Even if you can’t see those unicorns anymore?”

He looks a little wistful for a moment, and then smiles, squeezing her hand. “_Especially_ because I can’t see those unicorns anymore.”

* * *

They step off the shuttle hand-in-hand. Leia is there to greet them, as are Poe and Finn. Leia glances at their joined hands and smiles. She and Poe exchange a glance and a _smirk_ and Rey wonders just what the kriff _that _look is about.

Finn lets out a groan and she sees him hand something to Poe, who claps him on the back.

“Well, I’d say we need a bit of a debriefing,” Poe says, waving them all toward one of the debriefing rooms on base.

As they walk past Poe, Ben leans over and she can just barely make out the words. “You’re not getting _that_ kind of debriefing, fly boy.”

“Force, save us all,” Rey hears Finn mutter and watches as Poe once again reaches out for Finn. She’s never noticed before how often Poe touches him. And she’s never noticed the way Finn’s eyes follow Poe whenever they’re in the same room. But suddenly she’s aware of it, and it’s a strange thing to suddenly see things that have probably always been there.

“So,” Leia says. “Tell me everything.” There’s a smile playing about her lips, as if she _wants_ to break out in a smile, but doesn’t dare.

Finn groans. “No, don’t tell us everything.”

“Oh no,” Poe says. “I want to hear it all.”

“Do I really need to be here for this?” Finn mutters.

Poe laughs.

Leia shakes her head. “Boys.” They both fall silent as she turns to Rey and Ben.

Rey sighs. She really doesn’t want to tell Leia the sad truth. All their hopes dashed on the rocks of a burned out temple. “There was nothing there.”

Leia shrugs. “Ok, start from the beginning”

“The beginning doesn’t matter!” Ben practically shouts and Rey reaches out a hand to touch his forearm lightly. “It doesn’t,” he says as he turns to her. “We got to the temple. There was nothing there. Whatever had been there had burned long ago.”

“That’s too bad,” Leia murmurs. “So tell us about the whole adventure.”

“Aren’t you listening?” Ben says. “The adventure doesn’t matter.”

“Ben, wait,” Rey says, staring at the three of them. Leia and Poe are both leaning forward and the looks they exchange are conspiratorial at best. “General, we found the temple, but the item you wanted us to retrieve? The one that was supposed to amplify our firepower and give us a fighting chance? It’s gone. What if the First Order has it?”

“They don’t,” Poe says a little too quickly. Leia shoots him a look and Rey watches as he swallows hard.

Rey narrows her eyes on first Poe, then Leia. The former looks a little green. The latter looks a bit irritated, but not at Rey or Ben. Her ire is pretty clearly focused on Poe. When Rey glances over at Finn, he looks a little pale, his dark cheeks strangely washed out.

“There is no item that amplifies firepower, is there?” It’s a wild guess, but Poe turns white as a sheet and even Leia looks a little uneasy.

“Well, you _did_ say you found nothing there, dear.”

“That’s not what she means, Mother,” Ben interjects with. “There never _was_ an item, was there?”

“We had to do something,” Finn says and both Leia and Poe try to shush him. “No, this is ridiculous. We couldn’t stand it anymore. You two fight all the time and it was driving us all crazy.”

“Mother?”

Leia levels her eyes first on Ben, then Rey.“You two seem awfully calm,” Leia points out.

Rey squeezes Ben’s hand. “General?”

Leia glances over at Poe then, and Rey watches as he runs his fingers through his already unruly hair. Finn actually reaches out to touch him briefly before drawing his hand back as if burned.

“Ok,” Poe says. “Look, the sexual tension between you two was so thick you could cut it with a knife. We thought…”

Leia clears her throat.

Poe rolls his eyes as he continues. “Ok, the _general_ thought that if you went on a mission together, you might be able to…you know…_resolve_ such things.”

“Mother!” Ben shouts and Rey can see that the red on his cheeks has spread up to the tips of his ears. “You were discussing my sex life?”

Leia at least has the good graces to look embarrassed. “Well, not exactly…”

“Ben, it doesn’t matter, does it?” Rey asks, leaning toward him and taking his hand. “It all worked out in the end?”

“We were tricked,” he mutters, squeezing her hand.

“And still it worked out.” She smiles at him and watches as most of the tension leaves his shoulders.

“It did,” he says and there’s a warmth to his voice.

“So,” Leia says, clapping her hands on her knees and standing. “I guess that’s the end of that. Meeting adjourned. Why don’t you two crazy kids to get some rest or…something.”

And now _Rey_ feels her cheeks heat just slightly. Leia is never one to beat around the bush, as it were. Always forthright and honest, she’s the type of woman Rey has always imagined she’d like as a mother.

“Yes,” Ben says. “Or something.” He grins at his mother and leans down to whisper in Rey’s ear. “I especially like the _something_.”

“_Ben_,” Rey says, but there’s no real ire behind it. She’s too amused and really, too _happy_ to even care. “Come on.” She stands then and pulls him with her. He follows easily, a ridiculously dopey grin on his face. “Let’s go do _something_.”

“I like _something_.”

“I know.”

As they pass Leia, Ben just smirks.

Rey stops though, glances over to where Poe and Finn are watching them, and leans in close to her. “You might consider sending Poe and Finn out on the next mission.” Leia’s eyebrows raise, and Rey just laughs as she follows Ben out of the office.


End file.
